Prayer, Submission, and Celebration are the disciplines I have chosen for my report; but for a bit of an unorthodox reasoning. Now, I fully understand that some of my reasoning, purpose, and journaling may miss that mark for this particular report, and maybe even for all of the reports. But, I believe that these three disciplines seem to be the prevailing themes of my life, for this season that I am in.
For my discipline of prayer, I am making a concerted effort to pray in the middle of emotionally charged situations. I am a homeschool mom of two boys, a seventh grader and a four year old. Both of my boys are in stages where they are learning and discovering their emotions- but each for different developmental reasons. Needless to say, there is a lot of emotions expressed even on what I would call a uneventful day.
This past week, my husband was out of town and I was home alone with the boys. This is not a normal situation for us. My husband works from home and we homeschool. The few days my husband was gone was a test in fortitude and patience for us all. Not having my husband around threw us all off balance in many ways: time-wise, emotionally, and physically. My preschooler is still discovering his emotions and is going through the developmental stage of figuring out what to do with them. Where my husband is gifted in recognizing when our Little is overwhelmed, I am a little slower in my own processing and response to this. In his absence, I had to be able to pinpoint what was really going on in his little mind and body, in the midst of the other household tasks. But I couldn't do that without prayer, and even submission to the Holy Spirit.
Right before dinnertime, on Tuesday, my little one was jumping off of the back of our couch. Mind you, hes energetic, but he's never done this before- he's just not that rambunctious. I was in the middle of diner preparations. In that moment, I could have so easily yelled for him to stop, and scolded him and then turned by back to him, fully expecting him to comply. Only to be further upset a few minutes later by his further attempts to fly. My husband wasn't there to catch him- emotionally or physically. It was up to me- elbow deep in homemade tomato sauce. I had to breathe, pray and hear. In that moment, the Spirit showed me that my Little was feeling out of control, and was searching for some level of control. The Spirit showed me that my little needed reassurance in Daddy's scheduled return, his love, and maybe even Daddy's existence. We facetimed with Dad. My little calmed down enough to help me finish up dinner and decided to help vacuum too. If I had responded to my own overwhelm, fear, and insecurity in that moment; the outcome would and could have been vastly different.
Submission is a harder one. Submission to the holy spirit has become somewhat easier over the years, but it is still a work in progress. I have learned to recognize that voice- but as I am human I miss the mark sometimes. This however, is not the submission that I am making a point in practicing though. I am making a point to submit to my husband- submission to him in a verbal sense. He and I are both problem-solvers by nature. Someone comes to us with a situation, we both have the tendency to "see the problem and the solution". But many times, with each other, there is no problem- just an opportunity for conversation about our day.
My husband is a mountain biker, and he loves tinkering and repairing his own bikes. While I am familiar with the sport, there is not enough of a knowledge base to be able to offer any assistance. But frequently, my husband will come to me with a problem he's encountered and I try to "fix it". Never turns out well. Along with other areas, I try to offer my assistance.
At the beginning of this week, prior to him leaving on his business trip, my husband stated that he needed to figured out what to pack. My mind immediately began running through the clothes hanging in his closet and things coming from the dry cleaner. As I was about to make suggestions, I remembered my undertaking- to keep my suggestions to myself. After all, he is a grown man, and a highly intelligent one at that. He is perfectly capable of figuring out how to dress himself for such occasions- even though he has a tendency to over dress. He has not asked me for clothing suggestions- so why would I give him an answer to a question that he hadn't asked? Especially, when it would only lead to conflict. So, I remained quiet. I had the thought to offer insight about the weather in Florida, but he's a grown man with a smart phone and a weather app. Why was I going to attempt to do the work for him, when I was overwhelmed with my own work? I wasn't. Twenty minutes later, he came downstairs with his suitcase ready for the next morning's flight, and there had been no argument. Not to mention, I had been able to complete some of my own to-do list items. I have continued to do this for the past week- hold my tongue when I think 'I know better." And it's made my life easier. Not just because it has reduced the conflict, between my husband and I, and even on occasion my kids and I. I have seen growth, learning, wisdom and a deeper understanding come to each of them. I have seen that when I may "know better" and offering that knowledge, sometimes, does not serve them for any purpose except to prevent them from learning. For my kids, that prevention is valuable to their development as little people, and growing into being a young man.
I am surprised to be being this much of a difference already.
For Celebration I am celebrating with my children and my husband the freedom that I have found in not making plans weeks or even months in advance. I am a planner, and I love making and keeping track of lists. It helps keep me organized, and on track. It helps to keep me going in the direction I need to go. However, trying to plan life months in advance was beginning to take it's toll on me and my children.
In our homeschool journey, we began with a pretty rigid curriculum, and pretty pre-determined schedule. Also, the idea that homeschool had to follow the same formula, schedule and procedure as instutionalized school was overpowering- but also somehow seemed to be natural. After two years of homeschooling a more traditional schedule, Monday through Friday, 9am until 1pm; sitting in a classroom-like setting. It was beginning to wear on me. I love homeschooling my children- but it just seemed that I did not have enough time in the day of energy to complete all that needed my attention. Not to mention, I see all of these homeschool mom's in our homeschool group who have time. Time to go to the library, the museum, they YMCA, the park, or to just take days off of school.
I started digging. Digging into social media of homeschool mom influencers; trying to figure out how homeschoolers have the time for something other than homeschool. What I found was that they have, for one, extended themselves enough grace to be tired; to take days off: to not "do school" 5 days a week; to have learning days that only take 3 hours; to let their kids just exist from time to time. I knew this was what my four year old needed as part of his normal development. But for my seventh grader, I had no idea that his was even an option. So ingrained was I in the notion of traditional schooling.
For celebration, we are all celebrating shorter and more enjoyable days. Gone are the days of just trying to check something off the list. We have slowed down; we are taking our time. I am taking my time. I have slowed down. Teaching my children, watching their little minds learn and discover their world was a joy to me before- but now it is a delight. Not to mention, now I have time to get the laundry actually put away. I am able to better celebrate my children growing up. I am better able to enjoy their company and their achievements. My celebration is being able to slow down, even though I am quite possibly busier than I have been before. My celebration is more delight in my life. God said that he has come not just to give us life, but life more abundantly; and my celebration is abundant for sure.
I little bonus for you... I am... I can... I ought... I will...
