Prayer: At the beginning of this week, I felt like my prayer would be for a smooth week, which typically, there is an understood, spirit yearn for that at any time. But this past Sunday, as I started this submission, it was an active thought in the forefront of my mind. Initially, I dismissed it because, "of course." Why wouldn't that always be a prayer to pray?
But as the days went on, it became apparent that it really needed to be an active prayer. I have a pre-teen, and preschooler. Both are in what's considered "in-between" stages of their childhood. And both stages revolved around experiencing new emotions, or at least their journey of becoming aware of more complicated emotions. It is only Wednesday, as I type this paragraph- and boy, what a week it's been. Not awful, not "the worst", but worse than it's been in a while.
My pre-teen, is in the "logic" or "argumentative stage" according to the educational philosophy we adhere to. He knows a lot about a lot, and has always been a sponge for information. But now, according to the classical education philosophy; he is trying to make sense of it all. He's trying to make sense of how he fits into the world and all of the "pictures" he's learned about over the years; but also make sense of these growing emotions.
My prayer is for myself, really. to be able to see his struggles for what they are. Not defiance, not rebellion, but genuine curiosity and a desire to make sense of his world. I have a pretty good understanding, as an adult, of the world he lives in. He's still learning, still noticing, still pondering, still navigating. Just like I am, but in a smaller sense. My prayer is to remember that just because his understanding is smaller, doesn't mean that it is less significant or wrong. I have never parented a pre-teen before; this is new territory.
Same thing with my 4 year old, I have never parented a 4 year old before, this is new territory. For both of them, I need grace. I need grace, for myself and to extend to them.
It's easy to forget what this kind of learning looks like for them... after all, it's been many years since I went through the stages they are experiencing. There is a learning curve for all of us, but it is my responsibility to stop and be aware of when intercession is needed, whatever format it may be needed.
Submission: There are some weeks when my "to-do" list gets fully accomplished. There are weeks when this list gets mostly done. And then there are the weeks that very little gets accomplished; usually jsut the basic necessities- laundry, cooking, vaccuming, my own studies, and some of my chidlren's studies. I have always been an advocate of "consistency is key" when it comes to what kids need.
Prior to becoming a mom, I worked as a Nanny for a little over a decade. I got the priviledge of helping four pairs of wonderful parents, shape their Littles. But that's a bunny-trail. For those many years, all of the reading I had done touted the fact that kids need expectations- and I am not talking about whats expected of them, but they need to know what to expect from us. They need a routine, and they need to know that our "yes" means yes, and our "no" means no. There is no denying that this is an absolute for me and my children,because it boils down to trust. But, our (my) kids need to also know that they can rely on us to hear them when something is wrong in their little world. They need to know they can trust us with their hard stuff- the stuff that seems hard to them; and help them navigate it.
This week was one of those particular weeks, where I had to rely on prayer and submit to putting away of my to-do list. My kids needed me. They both had big emotions this week, and my youngest was regularly coming to be a saying, " I need Mommy snuggles." In the hard moments, when we would find ourselves in a deadlock over whatever was on the ajenda for the day, I had to submit to the prodding of the Spirit to slow down and listen not only to Him, but to them. They didn't need the consistency that a regular routine provided them; they needed the consistency of connection. They needed my attention, my undivided, non-lesson related attention. One of the things I love about homeschooling is the freedom. The freedom to take a step back and step away from the daily grind when things, even small tasks, begin to see insurmountable.
So, we did. We took a hiatus from school. We didn't thake the whole week off, but when I would run into big emotions, I made a point to stop and we would go outside or go on an "adventure." A change of pace, was what ways truly needed; or a different scene. We went to the library; the park; on a walk; played in the backard; played a board game; watched a show or mostly; I would read to them. The Twits by Roald Dahl, was the order of the week. This was not the orginal plan for our read-aloud.
The past few weeks, we have been readiing the more serious Trumpeter of Krakow by Eric P. Kelly. A middle-school historical novel about a boy in medieval Poland. But something at the beginning of this week, said that a book full of frankly, mean behavior, genuine ugliness, and fully ridiulous behavior was would be needed. Explain that for me. I read The Twits in the fourth grade, and even then, I recognized the terrible behavior of the two characters was not truly desired or wise. But the ridiculouness of thier behavior was truly enjoyed. Me, as a ten year old; and even this week by my twelve and four year old children. The truly appalling behaviour of Mr. & Mrs. Twit became our respite from petty arguments; clash of wills; and just plain "I don't wannas."
The beauty of homeschooling is that children don't have to learn only by reading a textbook or filling out a worksheet. They can learn about hwo the choices we make impact us, just by hearing a story about how our actions have some serious (albeit funny) consequences. Especially, when those actions impact or involve the people around us.
Celebration: Children learn, and learn best, when they are secure and know that they are safe. My children know they are safe, loved, seen and heard. How much trauma had been caused by that old idea of "children should be seen and not heard" or even the notion that they aren't a whole person until they've learned to "behave."
In any case, my celebration this week is the freedom and the ability to see and hear my children. To be given the Holy Spirit nudges, and to have been given the wisdom to heed those moments when I feel my children need a hug rather a further push. My eldest and I clashed over a writing assignment, and at one point I walked over to him and hugged him. He didn't immediately respond- so I asked, "Do you need a hug or would you rather I leave you alone?" And he said he needed a hug. So we hugged it out. When he let go of me, he sat right down accomplished what I had set him out to do- his writing assignment.
Now, if he had been in school and balked at his teacher over a similar assigment; we'd potentially be looking at the very least a note from said teacher or a call from the principle or at worst detention (or whatever they're doing now-a-days.) Depending on the severity of the push-back, of course.
Connection is key. Consistency is key. Both are equally important, I believe. Just as with any thing or any one else. Trust is built on both, whatever the situation may be. Connection with a boss over how an assignment is to be completed; a teacher over the same; a significant other about your relationship, finances, children, routines, groceries, weekend plans, future, home; and with our children. For our children- it is mostly heart connections. They need to know that we, as their parents, have not only theri safety, future, potential, and education in mind- but also their heart: their emotional well-being.
Sometimes the to-do list is priority, and that works. But whenthere are weeks like this past one, my kids hearts are on the line and they need to feel and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they are seen, heard and heeded. They need to know that they are not standing in a big empty room, waving thier hands frantically waving their arms, but yet still being overlooked, or ignored. There will be times when they wonder if that is the case, and the world will make them feel like that enough to shake their faith in the truth.
But those feelings will not be coming from me, God-willing. God grant me the ability to see them, to haer them, to hear you and to follow your direction.
A bonus for you... I am... I can... I ought... I will...
No comments:
Post a Comment